What to bring to your first meeting with a divorce lawyer
A divorce lawyer's hour is expensive. Here is what to gather, what to write down, and what to ask, so that hour buys you answers instead of catching them up.
A family lawyer's time typically runs between two and four hundred dollars an hour, with surveys putting the average near three hundred, and major metros and senior partners above that, usually billed in six-minute increments. Those survey figures are several years old now, so treat them as the bottom of what to budget rather than the going rate. That number changes how you should walk into the room.
An unprepared first meeting spends most of its time on things you could have written down at your kitchen table. A prepared one starts at the part only a lawyer can do. The difference is not small, and it compounds: everything you sort out yourself early is something you are not paying to explain later.
Here is how to make that hour count.
Before you go: write down what you already know
Do this part first, because it is free and it shapes everything else.
A short history of the marriage. Date of marriage, date of separation if you have separated, where you have each lived and for how long. Residency and separation dates decide when and where you can file, so your lawyer will ask immediately.
Who is involved. Children and their ages. Anyone else who depends on either of you.
What exists. A rough list of what you own and what you owe. House, vehicles, bank accounts, retirement accounts, investments, business interests, credit cards, loans. You do not need values yet. You need the list.
What has already happened. Anything filed or served, any agreement you have signed, any lawyer either of you has already hired, any money that has recently moved. Say all of it, including the parts you suspect were mistakes. Your lawyer cannot help with a problem you hide, and it will surface later at a worse moment.
What you actually want. Not a legal position, just plain sentences. Staying in the house matters more than the retirement account. Time with the kids is the thing you will not trade. Knowing your own priorities lets a lawyer tell you which are realistic, which are expensive, and which you may already be giving away.
What to bring
If you have these, bring them. If you do not, bring what you have and say so.
- The last two or three years of tax returns
- Recent pay stubs for both of you, if you have access
- Recent statements for bank, retirement, and investment accounts
- Mortgage statement or lease, and recent statements for debts
- Any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement
- Any divorce paperwork already filed or served on you
- Your written notes from the section above
Gather copies, not originals, and keep your own set.
What to ask
These are the questions worth paying for, because the answers depend on your state and your situation.
How do you bill, and what will this realistically cost? Retainer, hourly rate, what gets billed, who does the work. A good lawyer answers this directly. If you and your spouse were hoping to share one, that is almost never possible.
What does the process look like here, and how long does it take? Your state's residency requirement, waiting period, and response deadlines, applied to your actual dates.
Given what I have told you, what is realistic? Not a promise, but a range. This is the single most valuable thing you will hear.
What should I do, or stop doing, right now? Moving money, moving out, posting online, signing anything. The answers are sometimes counterintuitive and getting one wrong is expensive.
What is my biggest risk? Ask it plainly. Experienced lawyers usually know within an hour, and they will tell you if you ask.
What can I do myself to keep costs down? Most will tell you honestly, because organized clients are easier clients.
What not to expect
A prediction. Anyone promising you an outcome in a first meeting is telling you what you want to hear.
Therapy. A good lawyer will be kind, but the meter is running, and grief is better supported by someone whose training is grief.
A decision from you. A consultation is not a commitment. You can consult, take the information home, and do nothing for a month.
Two things worth knowing
Consulting a lawyer is not the same as choosing to fight. Understanding your rights before anything is decided is what puts you in a position to settle sensibly. Plenty of people consult once, learn what they need, and never litigate anything.
If you are planning to mediate, still get your own consultation first. A mediator is neutral by design. They facilitate the conversation, and they cannot advise either of you about what is fair or what you are entitled to. Going in without that grounding means negotiating without knowing what you are negotiating away.
Divorcery exists to get you into that meeting organized, so the time you pay for goes to the questions only your attorney can answer.