A plain-language divorce glossary
The words that show up in divorce paperwork, explained without the legalese: petitioner, decree, discovery, equitable distribution, QDRO, and the rest.
Divorce arrives with its own vocabulary, and nobody hands you the dictionary. These are the words most likely to appear in your paperwork or in a lawyer's first meeting, in plain language.
Terminology varies by state. The same idea can carry different names in different places, and a few terms mean genuinely different things depending on where you live. Where that matters, it is noted below. Your own state's usage is what counts.
The people and the paperwork
Petitioner (sometimes plaintiff)
The spouse who files first. Filing first carries no advantage in most states, despite how much weight people put on it, though there are two situations where it genuinely matters.
Respondent (sometimes defendant)
The other spouse, the one who receives the papers and responds. Being the respondent is not a disadvantage, but the response deadline is real and missing it can be costly. What to do in the first week after being served.
Petition (or complaint)
The document that opens the case. It says who is asking, on what grounds, and what they want.
Service of process
Formally delivering the petition to the other spouse, in a way the court recognizes. Some states will not start their clocks until service is complete. If your spouse cannot be found, there is a route for that too.
Response (or answer)
The respondent's formal reply, due within a deadline set by state law. The deadline is one of the most commonly missed dates in the whole process.
Decree (or judgment of dissolution)
The court order that ends the marriage and sets the terms. This is the finish line document.
Dissolution
Legally ending a marriage. In many states this is simply the official word for divorce.
Grounds and timing
No-fault divorce
Ending a marriage without proving anyone did anything wrong, usually described as irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown. Every state offers some form of it.
Fault grounds
Alleging a specific cause such as adultery or cruelty. Some states still allow this, some do not, and where allowed it may or may not affect the outcome.
Residency requirement
How long you must have lived in a state, and sometimes a specific county, before its courts will accept your case. This varies widely and it gates everything: you cannot file until you meet it.
Waiting period (or cooling-off period)
A minimum time that must pass before a divorce can be finalized, counted from filing, from service, or from separation depending on the state. Some states have none, others require many months.
Separation
Living apart. In some states a defined period of separation is a prerequisite to divorce; in others it carries no formal status at all.
Legal separation
A court status where you stay married but the court divides finances and sets arrangements. Distinct from simply living apart, and not available everywhere.
Common-law marriage
A marriage formed without a ceremony or license, still possible to form in about eight states plus DC, with New Hampshire recognizing one only after a spouse dies. It requires a present agreement to be married, cohabitation, and holding out publicly - never merely living together for a number of years. Once formed it is a real marriage, valid everywhere, and ending it takes a divorce.
Annulment
A declaration that no valid marriage ever existed, as opposed to a divorce, which ends one that did. It requires a defect present at the ceremony (bigamy, fraud going to the essence of the marriage, incapacity, force), carries filing deadlines that divorce does not, though not every ground has one, and can leave property and support unavailable, though many states protect a spouse who married in good faith. A short marriage is not a ground.
Money and property
Marital property
What the two of you acquired during the marriage, which is generally what gets divided. Usually about when and how something was acquired, not whose name is on it.
Separate property
Property that generally stays with one spouse, typically what you brought into the marriage plus gifts and inheritances. It can lose that protection if mixed with marital property, and in a handful of states, Washington and Indiana among them, a court can divide separate property outright even without any mixing. Whether yours is genuinely off the table is a state-law question.
Commingling
Mixing separate property with marital property, such as depositing an inheritance into a joint account, which can turn it into marital property.
Equitable distribution
The approach most states use: divide marital property fairly given the circumstances, which does not necessarily mean equally.
Community property
The approach used in a minority of states: marital property is treated as owned equally by both spouses. Whether that produces an even split depends on the state. California starts from equal division. So does Nevada, except that a Nevada judge can divide unevenly on finding a compelling reason to, and has to write that reason down. Texas divides community property "just and right" and Washington "just and equitable," neither of which requires half. Which system your state uses can change the outcome, though not always as much as the labels suggest.
Prenuptial agreement (or premarital agreement)
A contract signed before marriage setting property and support terms if the marriage ends. Courts enforce valid ones routinely; challenges usually succeed on signing defects (duress, no disclosure), and in many states an unfair deal alone is not enough without one, though unconscionability is still a recognized ground and some states test a support waiver at the moment it is enforced. It cannot limit child support or custody.
Financial disclosure
The mandatory exchange of complete financial information. Not optional, and not the place to be approximate.
Spousal support (or alimony, maintenance)
Payments from one spouse to the other after divorce. Whether it applies, how much, and for how long vary enormously by state and circumstance.
Child support
Payments toward the children's expenses, usually set by a state formula rather than negotiated freely.
QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order)
A separate court order needed to divide an employer-sponsored retirement plan such as a 401(k) or a private pension, without the transfer being taxed as an early withdrawal. It does not apply to IRAs, which are split a different way, or to federal, military, and most state-government plans, which each use their own kind of order. With a government, church, or 457(b) plan, ask the plan to confirm that the order qualifies anyway for tax purposes, because that is what makes your share taxed to you and rollable into your own account instead of taxed to your spouse. The divorce decree alone usually does not divide any of them, and forgetting this step is a common and expensive oversight.
Children
Legal custody
Who makes major decisions about the children: schooling, healthcare, religion.
Physical custody
Where the children actually live. Distinct from legal custody, and the two are often split differently.
Parenting plan (or custody agreement)
The written schedule and rules: regular time, holidays, exchanges, travel, how you two communicate and decide things.
Best interests of the child
The standard courts apply to custody decisions. The specific factors are defined by each state.
Getting to an agreement
Mediation
A neutral third party helps the two of you reach agreement. They do not represent either of you and do not decide anything. Often required before a court will set a trial date.
Collaborative divorce
Both spouses and their attorneys formally commit to settling without litigation, typically agreeing that the attorneys withdraw if the case goes to court.
Discovery
The formal process of requiring information and documents from the other side. Thorough, slow, and expensive, which is why voluntary disclosure is usually cheaper for everyone.
Settlement agreement (or marital settlement agreement)
The written agreement covering the terms. Once a judge approves it, it typically becomes part of the decree and is enforceable.
Contested vs. uncontested
Uncontested means you agree on everything and the court largely ratifies it. Contested means at least one issue is unresolved. Most divorces begin contested and end uncontested.
Default
What happens when the respondent does not answer in time: the case can proceed without their input. It still has to be requested and proven, what the court grants cannot exceed what the petition asked for, and support and custody follow the guidelines and the children's best interests regardless.
Pro se (or self-represented)
Handling your own case without a lawyer.
Orders along the way
Temporary orders (or pendente lite)
Arrangements that hold while the case is pending: who lives where, who pays what, the interim parenting schedule. They often shape the final outcome, so they deserve more attention than their name suggests.
Restraining order / protective order
A court order limiting contact or conduct. Some are automatic financial restraints entered at filing in certain states; others are protective orders addressing safety, which are a different thing entirely. If you are in danger, the safety resources page lists who to call, and getting a protective order covers the process.
Modification
Changing an existing order later, when circumstances change. Support and custody terms can usually be modified; property division usually cannot.
Contempt
A finding that someone violated a court order, and the mechanism for enforcing one.
These definitions are general. Your own state's terminology, and the rules behind it, are what govern your case.