What do you say to a friend getting divorced?
"I am so sorry. I am here, and I am not going anywhere." That is enough, and it is better than anything more elaborate you might reach for. Then stop talking and let them fill the silence, or not.
Most people get this wrong not from carelessness but from trying too hard. The instinct to fix, to reassure, or to say something meaningful is what produces the sentences that land badly.
What not to say
"I never liked them anyway." Feels loyal. It is a trap. Most divorcing people still have complicated feelings about their spouse, many co-parent with them for the next decade, and some reconcile. You may also have to sit at a table with that person at a graduation in six years.
"At least..." At least you had good years, at least there are no children, at least you found out now. Every one of these corrects their feeling instead of receiving it.
"Everything happens for a reason." Not comforting, and heard as an instruction to feel better on your schedule.
"What actually happened?" The question everyone wants to ask. If they want you to know, they will tell you. Asking makes them manage your curiosity on top of everything else.
"Are you sure?" or "Have you tried counseling?" By the time someone tells you, this has usually been decided over months or years. It reads as doubting their judgment at the exact moment they need someone not to.
"You'll find someone better." Their marriage ending is the loss. A hypothetical future person is not the consolation you think it is, particularly early.
What actually helps
Be specific. "Let me know if you need anything" is kind and it puts the work on them, which is why it almost never gets taken up. Instead: I am bringing dinner Tuesday, is six alright. I can take the kids Saturday morning. I am free to sit with you while you deal with the paperwork.
Keep inviting them. People stop inviting the newly single, usually from tact, and it reads as exclusion. Invite them even when they say no. Keep inviting them after several nos.
Show up at month four. Everyone appears in the first fortnight and then life resumes. The hardest stretch often starts once the case ends and the structure disappears, when the calls have stopped. A message in month four is worth more than five in the first week.
Let them repeat themselves. They will tell you the same story several times. That is how people process, not a sign they are stuck.
Do not take a side in public, even if you have a view. Especially in front of their children.
Treat them normally, sometimes. An afternoon where nobody mentions the divorce is a genuine gift.
If you want to give something
Practical beats symbolic, and nothing that requires them to perform gratitude.
Food that needs no preparation. A cleaner for a month. Paying for something dull they have been putting off. Childcare. A voucher for something they would not buy themselves. If they have moved, the boring household things nobody thinks to replace until they need them.
Avoid anything that frames the divorce as an upgrade, a liberation, or a joke. Some people arrive there eventually; almost nobody is there yet.
The two harder situations
If they are stuck in a decision, resist telling them what to do. Ask what they are afraid of. People deciding whether to end a marriage usually have plenty of advice and very little space to think out loud, and nobody outside a marriage can answer that question.
If you are worried about their safety, that is different and it is not a friendship problem. Do not push them to leave on your timeline, which can make things more dangerous. Say plainly that you believe them, that it is not their fault, and that you will help whenever they are ready. Then look at the safety resources page yourself, so you know what exists before they ask. Advocates take calls from friends and family too.
If you are both friends with the couple
Say to each of them, once, that you are not choosing. Then behave that way: no reporting back, no passing messages, no discussing one with the other.
Some people will not manage this and will quietly drop both. Being the friend who did manage it matters more than you will ever be told.
Nobody gets this perfectly, and the friends people remember are rarely the ones who said the exactly right thing. They are the ones who kept turning up after everyone else had moved on.